Days of Grace

We have a Mennonite-run grocery surplus outlet about 45 minutes away that sells whole wheat bread (among other things, including lots of organics!) for $1.19 a loaf. Once every month or so, we travel down that way and stock up on bread to freeze. The bread comes on Tuesday, so that's the day we need to be there. Today was Bread Day.

It was a gorgeous day. The morning was very foggy and chilly, but it was the type of fog and chill you know the sun will burn off. The trip down was peaceful and uneventful-- no small feat with four little ones-- and behavior was about as good as could be expected.

The whole way down, one word kept creeping into my thoughts-- grace. I've been feeling so unsettled lately-- not quite happy with the way things are going, but not quite sure what, if anything, to change. When I was in high school and college, before I got married, I felt like my life was a constant dialogue with God. When St. Paul said "Pray always" it was so easy, because God and I were an inseparable team. Talking to Him was as easy as talking to my best friend. Then something changed. It must have been subtle, because I can't put my finger on the day it happened. But one day, I realized God wasn't as close as my next breath any more. And I mourned it, but I thought maybe it was something that happened when you grew up, like leaving Neverland and no longer being able to fly. Later, as I read the lives of the saints, I could sympathize with those who felt spiritual dryness. I realized there was grace even in emptiness. God's absence (or seeming absence, because after all, He's never far away at all) left room for faith. My empty cup could be filled with grace.

I ebb and I flow. I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off lately. I want my kids to learn, learn, learn and excel, but I've forgotten why. I want my house to be neat, not because of my family, but in spite of them. I compare myself to others and inevitably end up falling short and feeling sad.

But today, grace abounded. It was everywhere. And I realized why, exactly, it was so incredibly amazing. I thought of the hymn
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved..."
And I realized that there was a certain amount of grace in my unsettled feelings lately as well, because without those feelings of restlessness and emptiness, I wouldn't know to seek out grace. You don't seek a cure if you don't feel ill.

Of course, the problem with grace is sort of like shining a bright light in a room you haven't really kept up all that well. The more grace flowed through me, the uglier it felt when I was cross with the children or selfish with my time. And so, I'm praying that this grace not only continues to show me flaws in my life, but also the strength to face them and change.

Days of grace.

Grace like rain.

Amazing grace.

New year, new camera

We finally ordered one. I bet I find the old one as soon as the new one arrives. If so, I can post a picture of it!

Welcome to the State of Disequilibrium

Every now and again, someone likes to come along and get all Steiner-er-than-Thou and tell me how I'm not really "doing Waldorf". To which, nine years down the parenting path, I can finally say, "Well... you're right." I'm not an anthroposophist-- I'm Catholic. I love books and have zero interest in eliminating them from my young children's lives. I have four small children and not enough time or patience to plan two separate main lessons, the perfect Waldorf nursery experience, and a picture-perfect babyhood. And while this may sound defensive, I have to say that I am finally at a place where I'm OK with it.

Maybe I shouldn't be. After all, I've written a series of books that lots of Waldorf mamas use for their little ones. And they're pretty great, if I do say so myself. And I've run some mailing lists that attempted to bring Waldorf ideals to every day life. But I've always made the caveat that I am not an anthroposophist, I'm not a purist, and I'm not channeling Steiner.

My baby has a nice little collection of board books. I nurse beyond a year. My kids get a half-hour of screen time each day. Etc, etc, etc. My Waldorf failings are many.

I'm about a interested in listing my supposed Waldorf failings as I am in listing my Waldorf credentials, which may lead you to wonder why I'm even writing this. I think it's because I am at a crossroads. We brought Michael home and now I am homeschooling a first grader and a third grader. I feel this compelling need to pick a method and stick with it soon. I'm drawn to so many things--the beauty of Waldorf, the orderliness of Montessori, the practicality and loveliness in Charlotte Mason, the timelessness of classical education. Yet in times of confusion and stress, I tend to fall back on good (hah!) old-fashioned school-at-home, which leaves no one satisfied. I have multiple homeschool personalities!

Any advice would be welcome. I'm reading, and praying, and hoping. I'm re-reading You Are Your Child's First Teacher and Waldorf Education: A Family Guide as well as Elizabeth Foss's Real Learning. I have a whole bunch o' Charlotte Mason on hold at the library. I'm trying to cut back on the textbooks and read, read, read. We'll figure this out.

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

Truer words were never spoken, Mr. Twain.

Daniel has been miserable today. To replace the RSV/brochiolitis, he now has a snotty runny nose. I think he bopped his eye with a wooden toy, because it was all purplish today. His nails need clipped (OK, that makes me miserable, not him). AND he's getting at least one new tooth. He just got a new tooth! How many new teeth does an eight-month-old need?!?!?

Despite it all, it was a pretty good day. It was our last "relaxed" day before we get back to work again. The kids wrote resolutions in their journals. Michael resolved to "learn more science," which I thought was great.

Then we learned about St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. She is one of my favorite saints. I don't know if there is a patron saint of homeschooling, but if there isn't, she would fit the bill. Before I discerned my calling, I was looking into becoming a Daughter of Charity. And then when DH was called to become a pastor and we lived at seminary, we were just 15 minutes away from Emmitsburg. When I was pregnant, I spent many happy hours wandering around the basilica and grounds. I remember taking Michael to the Grotto when he was just a baby. I miss it a lot. Anyway, copywork was from a speech she made to the Diocese of Baltimore:
Live simply, so that all may simply live.

For math today, we updated our calendar. This was a huge project. I'd take a picture, but you know--no camera.

We skipped language arts. Wait, no we didn't. We told and made up riddles. Then we looked over The Winter Book by Harriet Webster and picked out some science experiments we wanted to try.

We made New England Clam Chowder from The Boxcar Children Cookbook. While it cooked, we read a chapter from The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder.

After lunch we cuddled with the baby a little. Or, as Nicholas says, we gave "family sandwich hugs". He has a little stuffed dragon that he kept drooling on, so we named the toy "Droobles." I told them the story of St. Bernardine and where IHS (Jesu Hominum Salvator) came from.

After that, we really didn't do much. We tidied up and had Quiet Time early. The baby was fussy and I was tired. After quiet time, we made a beautiful Holy Name of Jesus suncatcher. I used rings from Hearthsong's window star kit and placed dark blue tissue paper in the middle. Michael painted the rings red and we sprinkled red glitter on the wet paint. I printed out this monogram and placed it under the tissue paper and Katie Grace and I traced the outline with glue and then used a paintbrush to fill the outline with glue. We then added a whole bunch of gold glitter. It's beautiful. I'd show you, but... no camera.

Oh, and I hate glitter. I rarely use it and today I remembered why. Nicholas got into it while I was checking the pizza dough and it was all over his hands. I wanted to be upset but he was so sweet, holding his hands up to the light and saying in this wondrous voice, "I'm golden, Mama!" I'd take pictures, but...

Today we were one of those homeschool families that travels en masse from store to store on Daddy's day off. I was even wearing my denim skirt.

The camera is still missing, If I don't find it this weekend, we'll order a new one. I'm really hoping it's hiding in the Christmas tree stand or some other odd place and will turn up as an Epiphany surprise.

Right now, I have a naked baby on my lap. He's not happy. And so, good night!

Planning for January

I've been making plans for January. I feel like I've really strayed from what I want to do, Waldorf-wise. I don't mind giving things up because I've made a conscious choice to give them up, or because it's honestly best for the family (Michael will not and cannot knit, and forcing him to is just no use or sense) but I do mind giving things up out of sheer exhaustion or confusion.

So... I've been thinking and planning. One conundrum is how to do a main lesson for both Katie Grace and Michael. Another is how to fit the early childhood stuff in for Nicholas. A third is how to balance this all with a babe.

We do religious ed together. We read a devotion together every morning. We use Day by Day Devotions by Karyn Henley. I feel like this really helps with Biblical literacy. If it's a saint's day or a feast day, we add that to our feasts and festival main lesson book. In January, we celebrate St. Basil, St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, St. John Neuman, Epiphany, the Baptism of our Lord, St. Anthony, St. Agnes, Our Lady of Peace, the Conversion of St. Paul, Sts. Timothy and Titus, St. Thomas Aquinas, and St. John Bosco. Throughout January, we'll be focusing on the names of Jesus. My plan it to turn this into handwriting/form drawing by having them copy the name (print for Katie, cursive for Michael) and adding a border.

Michael and Katie Grace will both carry on with their math lessons. This is something I've compromised on because I want to. I'm not enough of a math person to put the time and energy into math main lesson blocks. I just can't think creatively with math. So, we use Oxford-Sadlier's Progress in Mathematics and gnome it up when we can.

Katie is working through The Ordinary Parents' Guide to Teaching Reading and Michael is in the orange book of Learning Language Arts through Literature, although we're pretty selective about what we do.

We're working our way through The Story of the World and are still in Egypt. We'll also be focusing on water cycle stories and activities this month. This should lead in nicely to making paper snowflakes.

Michael will have a one or two week main lesson on telling time. We're going to make a ribbon watchband if I can find "boy" ribbon. We'll also be making a calendar with saints' days, holidays, and family days. I'd like to make or buy a seasonal wheel like this and start making a timeline book or notebook. We might even take a field trip to the Clock Museum.

Katie Grace's main lesson will be Roman Numerals. Since Michael's will be first, I haven't started planning this yet.

With Nicholas, we'll be focusing on gnomes-- gnome circle, felt gnomes, gnome stories and songs and poems. Most of these I've gathered together already in Seasons of Joy.

I love how By Sun and Candlelight writes "themes" for each month. I might try to work on this tonight.

I finished my schoolroom cleaning, reorganizing, and decluttering today. But I can't take pictures because the camera is still lost. I am beginning to fear it is Gone with the Trash. I've looked in all the usual places-- the mantle, the piano, the computer desk. I've looked in some usual places-- the freezer, the basket by the telephone, the car. I've even looked in some absolutely stupid places-- the mudroom, a basket on top of the hutch, the box we keep the wine glasses in. ANd it's just nowhere to be found. Which is a shame, because the baby had an awesome bubble beard tonight. I even thought for a brief moment about scanning him.

Happy New Year's Eve!

I've just spent the last five hours or so putting together my Household Management Notebook. God bless my husband. He made dinner AND cuddled the vomiting four-year-old so I could get it done. The camera is still lost, so no pictures, but I was able to scan the cover:


My scanner adds shadows where shadows don't actually exist. Odd.

The quote in the lower right corner is:
Start by doing what is necessary.
then what's possible,
and suddenly you're doing the impossible.
and is credited to St. Francis of Assisi.

If I ever find the camera (please, St. Anthony!) I'll post pictures, but for now let me tell you what the sections are.

First off, I have emergency contact information. If I ever lose this baby, I want to make sure it finds its way home. Then I have tons of blank filler paper (15 cents a pack at Staples back-to-school sales).

This is followed by:
Calendars and Schedules: So far, there's a 2008 year calendar, blank monthly pages, and some blank daily routine sheets. I also typed out their weekly commitments (Scouts, ballet, Odyssey of the Mind, etc). Eventually I'd like to map out our routine, but it's pretty loose so I'm not sure how it will look on paper.

Housekeeping and Homemaking: Right now I have a schedule of the room I focus on cleaning each day, a page of natural cleaning solution recipes, a seasonal chores checklist, a page on handwashing the dishes and mealtime clean up, and a page on cleaning in a hurry. There's a lot more I would like in this section. For one thing, I want to start an every-two-months deep cleaning rotation. I also want to start the kids doing chores without complaining. I'm still pretty much doing everything on my own, and when I ask them to help they do it grudgingly with much weeping and gnashing of teeth. It occurs to me that the oldest two at least should be helping out a little more. I downloaded Motivated Moms and may print it off to use here.

Food, Shopping, and Meal Planning: I printed off a Healthy Kitchen Basic Inventory (found at Kitchen Comforts), blank weekly menu planners (I like these because they include space for snacks!), a master grocery list, and a page for favorite recipes. I'd really like to be doing more from scratch, so I envision this going in here as well. I want to come up with some sort of routine/schedule for making things from scratch. I have a freezer and a pantry, and I want to come up with some way of keeping up with the inventory. Also, I need a meal routine. I'd really like to incorporate the Waldorf practice of different grains each day.

Volunteering and Service: I'd like to put my LLL info here (including those pesky meeting reports I forget to send!. I teach Sunday School as well, and can put some of that in here. If I was really good, I'd call my little ones on their birthdays and send postcards when they don't show up to Sunday School. I don't really have any MDC paperwork, but if I did I could put it here as well. There are also occasional things, like the Angel Tree at church at Christmas that could go here.

Planning and Projects: Right now there's just a vague 2008 month-by-month planning sheet, but oh, do I have plans for the plans and projects section!

Learning Together: All I have here so far is a print-out on making timeline books. I want to put the Waldorf curriculum chart in here, and my plans for the year and for the month. Plus a copy of Michael's affidavit and our daily log and a list of the resources and supplies we have. And... and... and... oh, there's lots that can go here. Library receipts! Not only will this help with our book log (oh, that's something else that can go in here- book logs!) but maybe we won't end up dropping $20 to clear our fines-- and that was at half off!

Faith and Family: Right now, there's just a list of saints' days. This is a subject that's near and dear to my heart, though, and I have lots to add to this section.

Contacts: This is my friends and family section. I downloaded birthday calendars from Jan Brett's website, and will add phone numbers here as well.

Health and Healing: Nothing here yet, but eventually I want to have PA law and our immunization exemptions, doctor and dental info, some natural healing resources, including a list of what remedies we have on hand because I always forget, and the like. I also want a page for each kid with a current photo, and maybe even the childsafe kits we had done at the health fair.

Gardening: Nothing here yet, but one of my goals this year is to get serious about gardening, beyond the few anemic tomatoes that manage to survive our tender mercies.

Vacation and Travel: You know, just in case we ever go on a real vacation and travel.

Finances: I'm not sure what will go in here because DH manages the finances. I am saving up for a laptop.

Other: Because there has to be an other.

So, wow. All those hours of work and I still have a lot to go.

I've gotten a lot done (but alas, no pictures). I moved the craft stuff to the basement and created a craft area. Where the craft stuff used to be, I moved our extra food. My next step is to move the superfluous school stuff to the basement as well. I also need to do a lot of cleaning tomorrow, and a huge pork roast to cook with sauerkraut. Yum.

Happy New Year!

I lost my camera

I wanted to post pictures of our nature table.

And of the play corner I made in the schoolroom/dining room.

And of before and after I rearranged the art supplies and pantry.

And of my favorite Christmas gifts.

And of the baby, because he is looking particularly sweet today.

But I can't, because I lost the camera.

Some Christmas photos...

So many presents...


Finding the Pickle




And the magic seeds that grow into candy canes


Teething baby


Ecstatic about a Gameboy




And a quiet calm thrill with a Molly doll






Teething Gnome and Paper




Handmade Grandma sweaters

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... a chest x-ray?!?!

Every year it's like the plague around here at Christmastime. One year it was head lice. Another year, chicken pox. Last year it was pink eye and double ear infections. This year we decided to start a round of Echinacea and Vitamin C beginning the day after Thanksgiving. So far, everyone is pretty healthy, except for Babymort, who obviously did not get the memo.

He's had this weird strainy cough that ends in him gaggy on his own phlegm until he can't get his own breath. Lovely, eh? And it's been over a week. At first I thought it was a weird reaction to cheerios or he was choking on his own teething drool. Then my imagination kicked into overdrive and brought out the big guns. He must have asthma. He's allergic to me. He has a lung tumor. Pneumonia. I had no idea.

We went to the doctor, who thought he might have heard some cracklings in his chest. Chest x-rays with almost-eight-month-olds are tres unpleasant. But the x-ray is clear and hopefully he will feel better soon. The doctor wrote a script for antibiotics ("This probably won't do any good since it's most likely viral, but just in case..." which I won't fill. I could wallpaper our bathroom with all the prescriptions they write and I don't fill. What I will do is nurse him tons, give him some Hyland's vitamin C, and run the humidifier with sniffletime aromatherapy in it. And if I need to, we'll cuddle up in the bathroom at 4 AM with the shower running on hot again and try to loosen things up.

Of course, I've also been bitten by the organizing bug. This is tough with a sick babe. I would say that at least 50% of our "getting out the door" issues (and oh, boy, do we ever have issues!) are due to hats and shoes. (In case you're wondering, in my estimation 25% of the issues are baby needs that can't be helped and the remaining 25% is pure unadulterated original sin and contrariness) I moved the changing table up to the bathroom--it's not beautiful, but it works--and am trying to create a "landing spot" for hats, shoes, boots, etc. I bought a shoe rack and brought down the coat tree from Katie Grace's room. I'll try to get some pictures tomorrow.

What I want to get done before we start school again:
Plan out the next quarter of school
Tweak the daily routine
Do some Waldorf reading to get re-inspired
Move the craft stuff to the basement
Move the extra food to the mudroom shelves
Move the bulk of the books to the basement
Rearrange the living room (after the tree is down on Epiphany)
Make a Household Control Notebook
Organize the kids' rooms
Finish this new "landing spot"
Add a play corner to the schoolroom/dining room
Move the easel

That's a lot.