Saturday is the day for confessions, right?

Actually, I didn't make it to Confession today. But I do have one to make here.

I love everything I've read about Charlotte Mason. But every time I try to read something Charlotte Mason herself has written, I find myself drifting off into a glassy-eyed stupor. Am I reading the wrong things? Right now I'm trying to read her Home Education: Training and Educating Children Under Nine. And it's really, really not moving me. It's a lot about the evilness of nurses and pudding and stuffy rooms. It gets better, right? Should I skip ahead to a certain chapter? Look around for another edition? I'm wanting to love this, but so far I'm not feeling it.

The Three Gifts Challenge

I read about this over on down-to-earth: Choose three actions you can take in your life to reduce consumption, not harm the earth, etc.

I chose:

~ to make a more concentrated effort to use my cloth bags. Always. Even at thrift stores and other places where I might not think about it

~ to make a more concentrated effort to use our SIGG bottles and to refuse to buy individual water bottles

~ to do better at recycling, and to "reduce" as a first line of defense.

So, what three gifts will you give to help heal the earth?

Is there anything nicer than

A half-naked baby who falls asleep on your lap after nursing? I don't think so. *happy sigh*

That was quick!

The new camera arrived today, and I'm so glad!

Not because it was time to say goodbye to our Epiphany nature table


and hello to our winter animal/"The Mitten" nature table


or so I could finally show you our cool IHS/Holy Name craft that needs to be hung up in a window


but because of this!




Crawling baby! Squee!

Days of Grace

We have a Mennonite-run grocery surplus outlet about 45 minutes away that sells whole wheat bread (among other things, including lots of organics!) for $1.19 a loaf. Once every month or so, we travel down that way and stock up on bread to freeze. The bread comes on Tuesday, so that's the day we need to be there. Today was Bread Day.

It was a gorgeous day. The morning was very foggy and chilly, but it was the type of fog and chill you know the sun will burn off. The trip down was peaceful and uneventful-- no small feat with four little ones-- and behavior was about as good as could be expected.

The whole way down, one word kept creeping into my thoughts-- grace. I've been feeling so unsettled lately-- not quite happy with the way things are going, but not quite sure what, if anything, to change. When I was in high school and college, before I got married, I felt like my life was a constant dialogue with God. When St. Paul said "Pray always" it was so easy, because God and I were an inseparable team. Talking to Him was as easy as talking to my best friend. Then something changed. It must have been subtle, because I can't put my finger on the day it happened. But one day, I realized God wasn't as close as my next breath any more. And I mourned it, but I thought maybe it was something that happened when you grew up, like leaving Neverland and no longer being able to fly. Later, as I read the lives of the saints, I could sympathize with those who felt spiritual dryness. I realized there was grace even in emptiness. God's absence (or seeming absence, because after all, He's never far away at all) left room for faith. My empty cup could be filled with grace.

I ebb and I flow. I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off lately. I want my kids to learn, learn, learn and excel, but I've forgotten why. I want my house to be neat, not because of my family, but in spite of them. I compare myself to others and inevitably end up falling short and feeling sad.

But today, grace abounded. It was everywhere. And I realized why, exactly, it was so incredibly amazing. I thought of the hymn
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved..."
And I realized that there was a certain amount of grace in my unsettled feelings lately as well, because without those feelings of restlessness and emptiness, I wouldn't know to seek out grace. You don't seek a cure if you don't feel ill.

Of course, the problem with grace is sort of like shining a bright light in a room you haven't really kept up all that well. The more grace flowed through me, the uglier it felt when I was cross with the children or selfish with my time. And so, I'm praying that this grace not only continues to show me flaws in my life, but also the strength to face them and change.

Days of grace.

Grace like rain.

Amazing grace.

New year, new camera

We finally ordered one. I bet I find the old one as soon as the new one arrives. If so, I can post a picture of it!

Welcome to the State of Disequilibrium

Every now and again, someone likes to come along and get all Steiner-er-than-Thou and tell me how I'm not really "doing Waldorf". To which, nine years down the parenting path, I can finally say, "Well... you're right." I'm not an anthroposophist-- I'm Catholic. I love books and have zero interest in eliminating them from my young children's lives. I have four small children and not enough time or patience to plan two separate main lessons, the perfect Waldorf nursery experience, and a picture-perfect babyhood. And while this may sound defensive, I have to say that I am finally at a place where I'm OK with it.

Maybe I shouldn't be. After all, I've written a series of books that lots of Waldorf mamas use for their little ones. And they're pretty great, if I do say so myself. And I've run some mailing lists that attempted to bring Waldorf ideals to every day life. But I've always made the caveat that I am not an anthroposophist, I'm not a purist, and I'm not channeling Steiner.

My baby has a nice little collection of board books. I nurse beyond a year. My kids get a half-hour of screen time each day. Etc, etc, etc. My Waldorf failings are many.

I'm about a interested in listing my supposed Waldorf failings as I am in listing my Waldorf credentials, which may lead you to wonder why I'm even writing this. I think it's because I am at a crossroads. We brought Michael home and now I am homeschooling a first grader and a third grader. I feel this compelling need to pick a method and stick with it soon. I'm drawn to so many things--the beauty of Waldorf, the orderliness of Montessori, the practicality and loveliness in Charlotte Mason, the timelessness of classical education. Yet in times of confusion and stress, I tend to fall back on good (hah!) old-fashioned school-at-home, which leaves no one satisfied. I have multiple homeschool personalities!

Any advice would be welcome. I'm reading, and praying, and hoping. I'm re-reading You Are Your Child's First Teacher and Waldorf Education: A Family Guide as well as Elizabeth Foss's Real Learning. I have a whole bunch o' Charlotte Mason on hold at the library. I'm trying to cut back on the textbooks and read, read, read. We'll figure this out.

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

Truer words were never spoken, Mr. Twain.

Daniel has been miserable today. To replace the RSV/brochiolitis, he now has a snotty runny nose. I think he bopped his eye with a wooden toy, because it was all purplish today. His nails need clipped (OK, that makes me miserable, not him). AND he's getting at least one new tooth. He just got a new tooth! How many new teeth does an eight-month-old need?!?!?

Despite it all, it was a pretty good day. It was our last "relaxed" day before we get back to work again. The kids wrote resolutions in their journals. Michael resolved to "learn more science," which I thought was great.

Then we learned about St. Elizabeth Ann Seton. She is one of my favorite saints. I don't know if there is a patron saint of homeschooling, but if there isn't, she would fit the bill. Before I discerned my calling, I was looking into becoming a Daughter of Charity. And then when DH was called to become a pastor and we lived at seminary, we were just 15 minutes away from Emmitsburg. When I was pregnant, I spent many happy hours wandering around the basilica and grounds. I remember taking Michael to the Grotto when he was just a baby. I miss it a lot. Anyway, copywork was from a speech she made to the Diocese of Baltimore:
Live simply, so that all may simply live.

For math today, we updated our calendar. This was a huge project. I'd take a picture, but you know--no camera.

We skipped language arts. Wait, no we didn't. We told and made up riddles. Then we looked over The Winter Book by Harriet Webster and picked out some science experiments we wanted to try.

We made New England Clam Chowder from The Boxcar Children Cookbook. While it cooked, we read a chapter from The Long Winter by Laura Ingalls Wilder.

After lunch we cuddled with the baby a little. Or, as Nicholas says, we gave "family sandwich hugs". He has a little stuffed dragon that he kept drooling on, so we named the toy "Droobles." I told them the story of St. Bernardine and where IHS (Jesu Hominum Salvator) came from.

After that, we really didn't do much. We tidied up and had Quiet Time early. The baby was fussy and I was tired. After quiet time, we made a beautiful Holy Name of Jesus suncatcher. I used rings from Hearthsong's window star kit and placed dark blue tissue paper in the middle. Michael painted the rings red and we sprinkled red glitter on the wet paint. I printed out this monogram and placed it under the tissue paper and Katie Grace and I traced the outline with glue and then used a paintbrush to fill the outline with glue. We then added a whole bunch of gold glitter. It's beautiful. I'd show you, but... no camera.

Oh, and I hate glitter. I rarely use it and today I remembered why. Nicholas got into it while I was checking the pizza dough and it was all over his hands. I wanted to be upset but he was so sweet, holding his hands up to the light and saying in this wondrous voice, "I'm golden, Mama!" I'd take pictures, but...

Today we were one of those homeschool families that travels en masse from store to store on Daddy's day off. I was even wearing my denim skirt.

The camera is still missing, If I don't find it this weekend, we'll order a new one. I'm really hoping it's hiding in the Christmas tree stand or some other odd place and will turn up as an Epiphany surprise.

Right now, I have a naked baby on my lap. He's not happy. And so, good night!

Planning for January

I've been making plans for January. I feel like I've really strayed from what I want to do, Waldorf-wise. I don't mind giving things up because I've made a conscious choice to give them up, or because it's honestly best for the family (Michael will not and cannot knit, and forcing him to is just no use or sense) but I do mind giving things up out of sheer exhaustion or confusion.

So... I've been thinking and planning. One conundrum is how to do a main lesson for both Katie Grace and Michael. Another is how to fit the early childhood stuff in for Nicholas. A third is how to balance this all with a babe.

We do religious ed together. We read a devotion together every morning. We use Day by Day Devotions by Karyn Henley. I feel like this really helps with Biblical literacy. If it's a saint's day or a feast day, we add that to our feasts and festival main lesson book. In January, we celebrate St. Basil, St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, St. John Neuman, Epiphany, the Baptism of our Lord, St. Anthony, St. Agnes, Our Lady of Peace, the Conversion of St. Paul, Sts. Timothy and Titus, St. Thomas Aquinas, and St. John Bosco. Throughout January, we'll be focusing on the names of Jesus. My plan it to turn this into handwriting/form drawing by having them copy the name (print for Katie, cursive for Michael) and adding a border.

Michael and Katie Grace will both carry on with their math lessons. This is something I've compromised on because I want to. I'm not enough of a math person to put the time and energy into math main lesson blocks. I just can't think creatively with math. So, we use Oxford-Sadlier's Progress in Mathematics and gnome it up when we can.

Katie is working through The Ordinary Parents' Guide to Teaching Reading and Michael is in the orange book of Learning Language Arts through Literature, although we're pretty selective about what we do.

We're working our way through The Story of the World and are still in Egypt. We'll also be focusing on water cycle stories and activities this month. This should lead in nicely to making paper snowflakes.

Michael will have a one or two week main lesson on telling time. We're going to make a ribbon watchband if I can find "boy" ribbon. We'll also be making a calendar with saints' days, holidays, and family days. I'd like to make or buy a seasonal wheel like this and start making a timeline book or notebook. We might even take a field trip to the Clock Museum.

Katie Grace's main lesson will be Roman Numerals. Since Michael's will be first, I haven't started planning this yet.

With Nicholas, we'll be focusing on gnomes-- gnome circle, felt gnomes, gnome stories and songs and poems. Most of these I've gathered together already in Seasons of Joy.

I love how By Sun and Candlelight writes "themes" for each month. I might try to work on this tonight.

I finished my schoolroom cleaning, reorganizing, and decluttering today. But I can't take pictures because the camera is still lost. I am beginning to fear it is Gone with the Trash. I've looked in all the usual places-- the mantle, the piano, the computer desk. I've looked in some usual places-- the freezer, the basket by the telephone, the car. I've even looked in some absolutely stupid places-- the mudroom, a basket on top of the hutch, the box we keep the wine glasses in. ANd it's just nowhere to be found. Which is a shame, because the baby had an awesome bubble beard tonight. I even thought for a brief moment about scanning him.